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Chris Widener, Well-Being - Written by Chris Widener on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 6:00 - 18 Comments
Happiness Is Yours for the Taking
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Happiness. The pursuit of so many. In fact, we are known in America as those who live for “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
But so many seem without happiness. Why is this? Is happiness truly elusive, or do we simply not know how to take hold of it? It is my contention that happiness is yours for the taking. That is, anyone can be happy, if they choose to be… and if they know how to get it.
So what does it take to bring us to a state of happiness? Here are a few thoughts to get you on your way:
Do not try to control circumstances.
One of the biggest “happiness busters” I see is in the frustration people experience (and wallow in) because circumstances have gone awry. This is because their mind-set, whether they know it or not, is that they should somehow be able to control circumstances. But let’s get this straight: You can’t! So the first thing you can do to give yourself happiness is to stop trying to control, or taking responsibility for, circumstances that are outside of your control!
Understand that you can only control yourself.
There is only one thing you can control in this world, and that is yourself. You can’t control the weather, other drivers, your kids or spouse, or anything for that matter outside of your own beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and actions. Focus all of your attention on developing yourself and doing what is right – controlling yourself while letting what will happen, happen – and you will find happiness opening up within you.
Decide what it is that you want out of life, and then stick to it relentlessly.
First, know what you want. Get real clear with yourself. Take a private retreat to be alone if you have to, but come to grips with what you want your life to look like. Secondly, devote yourself to that passion and do not be sidetracked. It is interesting to me how many options we have – good options – that if we pursue them, they will actually crush our happiness because they will take us away from what will really make us happy.
Live for a legacy.
We cannot be self-absorbed and live only for ourselves. Yes, we only control ourselves, but we can live for the betterment of others. Live your life in such a way that others are touched and you will find yourself feeling happiness in ways you never could imagine. For example, I get some of the most touching e-mails from people I have never met (and probably never will), who tell me how I have helped them. There is little else that brings me such happiness!
Settle your finances.
Whatever your financial goals are, get them! Having poor finances is one of the major causes of unhappiness. Now, some people are completely content on $30,000 a year. Others need $200,000 a year. That is OK. We all have different desires, needs and goals. But the key is to know what you want your financial life to look like and then do what it takes to get there. Among the major things to do is to eliminate as much debt as possible, if not all!
Surround yourself with good friends.
Good friends are such a blessing! I have some of the most intelligent, capable, successful and caring friends a person could have. I have three or four people in my life who I completely trust and admire. When friendships are clicking, there is almost nothing that provides more happiness. Take time to develop your friendships. Spend time with them; do fun things with them, etc. Even as life gets more and more busy, make time with your friends a priority.
Develop your primary love relationship.
I spoke at a groom’s dinner recently and one of the points I made was that marriage will show you both heaven and hell! Marriage, when it is going well, will send you out the door each morning on cloud nine. When it isn’t going well, it affects every area of your life negatively. Do whatever you can – work hard – at developing your primary love relationship. The rewards of happiness you reap will be tremendous!
Happiness is yours for the taking, and I hope you will take the time to develop your life in such a way as to be able to experience all of the happiness you can handle!
Chris Widener is a businessman, author, speaker and television host. A prolific writer and producer of CDs and DVDs, his most recent book is The Art of Influence. Widener is the host of the national interview show, Made For Success, and co-host of True Performance with Zig Ziglar. The Chris Widener newsletter is one of the most widely distributed on personal and professional development. Visit his website for more information.
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18 Responses to “Happiness Is Yours for the Taking”
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7 is my lucky number and there are 7 quick steps, how else can you be short and sweet but still get the truth out without bogging readers down? Keep up the good work!
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I loved this article. It’s so positive and wonderful! I’ve recently changed my core group of friends. I was being brought down by the negativity and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I think having positive people around you is the key to being happy!
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I just lost my job and this is great advice. I have printed it off and put it on the mirror. I’ve been pretty down on myself and I think this will help me out. First thing I’m going to do is put myself with my happier friends.
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This was an excellent post. It is so easy to get caught up in the world around us and to get distracted away from our purpose. This is a great reminder!
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Lol that’s one way to look at it
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I am working hard at trying not to let my circumstances control me. Only I can control how I let life affect me. Thanks, Chris, for this inspiring article.
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This is one of the best blogs I’ve read in a long time. Of course it makes sense that we can only control ourselves. I doesn’t matter what happens around us as the only thing we can control is our reaction to our environment. It finally clicks!
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Thanks for the insight it helps to have encouragement like this in todays’ rapid cycling environment to help stay focused
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I’ve always heard the old saying “If you want positive things to happen, think positively” and I guess it’s true. These guidelines are great! I appreciate the positive blog entry and love that you just backed up what I’ve lived by my whole life. Thanks!
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I can relate to this part of the article and have only found out recently how true this is and how important it is for my happiness and well-being.
“Understand that you can only control yourself.
There is only one thing you can control in this world, and that is yourself. You can’t control the weather, other drivers, your kids or spouse, or anything for that matter outside of your own beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and actions. Focus all of your attention on developing yourself and doing what is right – controlling yourself while letting what will happen, happen – and you will find happiness opening up within you.”
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I really enjoyed this article! It is such a simple guide to finding happiness in every area of your life, and to realizing that you are in control of your own happiness–you can be happy in any circumstances!
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This is a really good article and so true. So often we find ourselves unhappy but WE are the only ones who can change our circumstances.
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Chris,
You said that we should not try to control our circumstances. Did you know the word “circumstance” comes from 1. Circle 2. Standing. It literally means we are standing in a circle when we have circumstances. If we are standing, then we are not moving out of them, are we? I believe if we got ourselves in them, we can also get ourselves out of them. There is a way of escape and by knowing this gives us hope.
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I would like to add in this very good blog about “contentment”. Many people have the “coping-up-with-the-Jones’s” syndrome and this makes them unhappy. If you are content with what you have then you don’t have to buy expensive things that your neighbor has and you won’t get into debt which leads to the 5th point in the blog.
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I think part of what we all get wrapped up in is life and no one thinks positive anymore. Everyone just expected something to come from nothing and that is not the case. If we plan properly, who knows how far we can reach. Good read and hopefully more will take notice.
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Thank you for your entry. (This couldn’t be any more accurate.) Although things are slow due to the economy here, happiness is definitely in the making.)(Beth Rogers said it all.) Thank you again.-r.h.
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I agree that happiness is a choice and an active pursuit! I just read a book called As A Man Thinketh by James Allen, and it can be summed up in two words: Conquer thyself!
It is no accident that most pastors, coaches, and motivational speakers focus on improving the mindset of their audience. Until a person changes their thoughts, they will be unable to substantially improve their situation.
Life is about overcoming adversity and helping others. It is critical then, to adopt the right mindset.
Our actions grow out of our thoughts. The good news: I can control my destiny through my choices! The bad news: Oh no! I can’t blame anybody but myself!
James Allen writes that thoughts will eventually blossom into actions – bad thoughts equal bad actions, good thoughts equal good actions – men do not attract what they want but what they are.
Circumstances can befall anyone, and there are a lot of people who are hurting out there, who have been laid off through no fault of their own. Over the long haul, the people who have the right attitude will not stay there; it is a temporary setback.
Mastering our thoughts is difficult, but it is something in this world that we CAN control, and it is worth pursuing to the end!
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I find this blog post to be so uplifting. I am so glad that I found it today. I am looking for a new job and tomorrow I go for an interview. After reading this my outlook is more positive, I know I will do well in the interview.
I know what I want to do and I am going after at.
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